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Speed Goggles

What are speed goggles, and do they really even exist?

Runners use this term to describe how faster times and better results on the track can lead to an increased level of attractiveness. The opposite sex will actually see you as a sexier individual purely because of your running skills- or will they? We’re here to help you answer some of the more prevalent questions regarding this term and its effects.

Where did the phrase “speed goggles” comes from, anyway?

As Urban Dictionary dutifully explains, this term is derived from “beer goggles”, which describes how drunkenness will incrementally make those of the opposite sex more attractive. In the track and field world, this translates into runners being more attracted to fellow runners because of their skills and prowess.

Does the term really make sense? Is it scientifically proven to be true?

Despite the prevalence of this term among runners and track and field enthusiasts, multiple arguments can be made against its validity. Some may argue that this effect only exists in the sense that success on the track requires physical fitness, and that level of athleticism translates into a fit, sexy body. The skills that you’ll need to succeed on the track, especially endurance, hearken back to important traits for successful hunter/gatherers that existed way back in the early days of the species.

On a purely instinctual level, just being able to survive and help others do the same attracts the opposite sex to you in a major way. In fact, the way we view beauty is defined by this instinctual desire to reproduce with someone who will give us a greater ability to survive and reproduce successfully. The caveman that was great at staying alive survives long enough, and in a healthy enough fashion, to reproduce with an equally competent cavelady, thereby continuing the cycle of sexy winners all the way into our modern age. The rejected title to this article was “We Are All Byproducts of Sexy Cavemen”.

Of course, one can also contrast that theory with the fact that training for track and field doesn’t necessarily lend itself to producing the hot, voluptuous bodies that currently reign supreme in pop culture. It’s safe to say that the majority of runners are considerably more slender than the ladies you’d find in the average Nicki Minaj music video. Whether or not running makes the human form more attractive is completely subjective, but one thing nobody can deny is the psychological link between success and confidence.

Winners are sexy. It’s an unavoidable truth of the world, and examples in the modern world are nigh-countless. Justin Verlander is dating a very content and incredibly attractive Kate Upton right now. Justin Verlander is not a supermodel, with or without his shirt. He is a Cy Young award-winning major-league ace, however. And you know what? Verlander’s struggling this year, putting up his worst statistics in years, so be prepared for some TMZ-worthy headlines if he doesn’t return to his previous success on the mound. To a much less sarcastic degree, that’s our reality. That’s how it is in baseball, that’s how it is in track and field, and that’s how it is in life.

You don’t need to be an Olympian or a pro athlete to acquire the benefits of speed goggles, though. The rush of winning a race is really what makes all the effort and training worthwhile. Reasons why this feeling is beneficial to you are obviously numerous, and one of the most obvious reactions you’ll have is a boost in confidence. Whether or not running makes you aesthetically more attractive is worthy of debate, but confidence is undeniably sexy. Feeling better about yourself, and thus projecting a better version of yourself to others, is unavoidable after any kind of big win.

So, how can I gain the benefits of speed goggles for myself?

The answer to this one can be very simple or very complex. To put it briefly, you can gain the benefit of this effect for yourself by getting better on the track. Your avenues to success are numerous, but what’s really important is that you have a plan and stick to it. Even if you don’t achieve a goal you set, pushing yourself toward that goal will improve you. That kind of improvement leads to the aforementioned increase of confidence and attractiveness, so perhaps winning isn’t what matters, after all. Believe it or not, those cheesy gym teachers were right all along- it really is the effort that counts.

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